Sunday, December 2, 2012

Contemplating a Future Plan

So, this has been a rough week. I don't know if it's the full moon or just a monthly Lyme flare or what. I have been extremely depressed and I feel like my life is being ruined by Lyme. I'm not usually like this. I usually spend all my time figuring out a way to make things better for myself. A new treatment option, a new supplement, forcing some exercise, coming up with something I could make to sell online etc. Lately, I've just lost all my motivation. It's hard for me to see right now how or when anything could possibly get any better.

I am currently working at a "bottom of the barrel" job based on my degrees and experience. I only work VERY part-time (if that) per week right now. I can barely do this simplistic job in a very limited capacity because my hands constantly go numb, I'm completely exhausted all the time, constantly having joint and muscle pain along with twitching, and I have a hard time staying alert throughout the day.

This is not how I expected my life to be at this point in time. I just graduated with a M.Ed.. I wanted to start a career or at least obtain a decent and stable job. I wanted to get married, have kids, etc. Now my main concerns are how I'm going to make it through the day without collapsing, how I'm going to pay for medical treatment, and how I'm going to live like this long-term.

I can forget about having kids as well because I would not want to take a chance and knowingly subject a child to this degree of disease. I think unless a definitive cure is found, I would not be comfortable carrying a child based on the risk of transmission and the possibility of birth defects from all the medications I've been on long-term.

I'm a year into aggressive treatment. I still have never made substantial improvement. I am CDC positive for Lyme with a very low CD57 so I know Lyme is to blame for this (along with co-infections). I never had any health problems prior to last year when I had several tick bites followed by flu-like illness/high fevers.

I have tried so many herbal combos and antibiotics. Here's my list:

Herbs: Banderol, Samento, Andrographis, Japanese Knotweed, Cryptolepis, Artemisia, Ginseng, Ginger, OLE, GSE, Turmeric/Curcumin (and more that I can't think of).

Medications (in various combos): Mepron, Clindamycin, Amoxicillin, Biaxin, Tindamax, Bactrim DS, Rifampin, Doxy, Plaquenil, Ceftin, Probenecid, Cortef, Florinef, Azithromycin, Nystatin.

I have also done a ton of different detox supplements: Lemon water, alka seltzer gold, ALA, NAC, glutathione, milk thistle, detox teas.

In addition to these supplements: Vitamin C, CoQ10, magnesium (malate and citrate), multivitamins, probiotics, s. boulardii, calcium, methyl B-12, Vitamin D, B-complex, etc.

So what do I do now? I'm 2 months into a new combo and still no improvement. Each day is getting harder and harder to deal with. Is it time for IV's? I don't know. They will be VERY difficult for me to afford. I quoted a price with Infuserve (which is very affordable and the most likely infusion service that I would go with) for 5 day pulses of Rocephin 2g per day. The cost with all supplies will be a little over $400 per month for 20 infusions and of course I would have to take orals alongside Rocephin and worry about infection, gallbladder complications etc.

I have always been completely against IV's. My LLMD could tell you that. It was one of the first things I ever said to him. But unless I can figure out another oral combo (and one that actually works) I don't think I  have a choice.