Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Nightmare

Well it's 4:00 a.m. and I just woke up from a nightmare which is really unusual. I never dream. I'm off artemisinin. I've been on everything else for many months. This must be from one of the infections.

Here's how the nightmare went:  I was alone. I had no family anymore. I went downstairs in my house and all of the lights were flickering and the TV was on like a haunted house. I was very scared but since I had nobody left, there was no one to call.

I woke up with anxiety about what I'm doing (long-term antibiotics). I have no worries about the side effects or potential for risk. To me, the symptoms that I have from Lyme are a lot worse than the side effects I could have from antibiotics. My anxiety comes from being worried about creating a problem for my LLMD. It's very unusual for people to take several antibiotics at a time and I know eventually someone is going to look into it. Another LLMD recently lost his license in WI. I'm very worried about that. I don't want to be the reason why someone loses their entire career. I've thought about purchasing all my generics instead of going through insurance since insurance companies are usually the ones that start trouble for LLMD's. My doctor doesn't seem as concerned with the ramifications of treating Lyme long-term as I am.

I'm cancelling my plans today. I almost never cancel anything but I'm still not feeling well. I haven't recovered from the fever last week. That was a horrible week. I've never had so much pain jumping around my body. One minute it was my foot. It felt like every bone was shattered. The next minute it was my stomach. Then it jumped to my ribs. Next, my lymph nodes. Right now, the pain is manageable but it was very scary for a while. It felt like something was seriously wrong when I started to get such severe nausea and pain in my stomach. I was hoping it would end and it wouldn't be my gallbladder or something. I no longer have a fever, but I'm still very weak, dizzy and nauseous and I have a headache. I haven't eaten anything but white rice and coconut milk (sugar free) ice cream in days.

I think I'll go get a liver test later and just sleep for a day.  I can feel that something isn't right but I don't think it's because of my liver. That's the only test I have a standing order for so at least ruling that out will make me feel a little more confident about starting the next artemisinin pulse in a few days.