Friday, March 15, 2013

More Vitamin IV's?

So I'm kind of in a weird position right now. I am on a very strong oral combination (6 abx and artemisinin pulses). Changing anything at this point would most likely weaken my protocol and that's not something I want to do. My medications and herbs target Lyme, Babesia and Bartonella adequately.

My doctor suggested last week that I get more vitamin IV's. Glutathione makes me feel substantially better. I almost feel completely normal after it, but it wears off quickly. So why do I hesitate to do more of them? First of all, it's nearly impossible for me to schedule it, even though the office is being extraordinarily accommodating. It's also not treating Lyme or helping to get rid of the cause of my symptoms in any way. That bothers me. I don't like to resort to convenience medications and symptomatic help. I would like to feel better on my own without using anything.

If something happens and I can no longer afford glutathione I will be very upset. It's literally one of the only things that keeps me going. After it wears off I count the days until the next one. I constantly say to myself when things are tough "Only _____ more days until I get a break." If I get used to feeling better by using it more often, it will be difficult for me to cut back. That worries me. I feel like an addict and a failure if I have to resort to IV's (vitamins) more often. IV's more often equates to not being able to handle things on my own. I don't like that feeling.

I feel the same way about dependency on the supplements that I take. I take 3000mg of magnesium a day to control twitching and heart symptoms. I skipped it last night and woke up 5-10 times from tremendous full-body twitches (apparently they're called hypnic jerks). B12 is the same. I'm reasonably normal mentally as long as I do the shot each day. When I skip it, I'm a crying depressed mess. I give up on trying to figure out ways around my symptoms and I have so much anxiety that I can't calm myself down. It scares me. I've never had any type of psychological issues before Lyme.

I miss how I used to be. I never needed supplements, vitamin IV's or antibiotics to function. I was hiking and trail running 10 miles a day, maintaining a high level of physical activity at work and doing full-time grad school at night. I had no problems handling that. In any free time I had I would go snowboarding, horseback riding, swimming, playing with Celtic bands, going out with friends, etc.  One tick bite and fever changed my entire life. I can't do any of that anymore.

Do you know what my accomplishment was this week? What I was so happy that I was able to do? Hold an infant up for an hour. Normally that's not even something I would think of as being challenging. Another one? Stand still and kick a soccer ball back and forth with a child for 30 minutes. After that 30 minutes of "soccer" I started shaking so much that I felt like I was freezing to death. When I finally got around to finding a thermometer I assumed I had a fever, but my temperature was 95.1.

Today I forced a walk with my dog. He has not gone on a decent walk in months. While on the walk, my knee felt like the joint was scraping bone on bone. Several times I became very tired and weird feeling. I stared at the ground. I was too tired to even think. Even my dog thought I was nuts and started jumping all over me. When I returned, I laid down and a few minutes later was having a very difficult time moving my legs. For a normal person, these symptoms would be highly concerning, but for me they're just part of a typical day. I'm in my 20's and my body feels like it's 100 and nearing the end.

So my feelings about more glutathione IV's are mixed, but I did add some in each month. Both of the doctors that I see are helpful. I trust them and I respect their opinions (although I have definitely not always agreed with them).I know that it's a big risk to treat a Lyme patient long-term and I appreciate that they have taken that risk for me. I know that they probably think more IV's will make things easier. They will.......physically, but I don't like having to accept that I need more help.I'm rationalizing this over and over in my mind by saying that it will help me stay on a strong combination to get rid of Lyme permanently.