Wednesday, April 24, 2013

More tests

Yesterday I had 4 vials of blood drawn for more tests. This time the tests are for thyroid abnormalities, hormone levels and vitamin D. Does anyone want to place bets on how many come back normal? I'm predicting all of them. So far almost every test I've ever gotten has come back normal despite how crappy I feel 100% of the time. I guess this is why doctors always think people with Lyme are hypochondriacs. I feel like I'm dying, but my tests reflect a completely healthy person. What's even worse is that because I never have abnormal tests I feel like there is no "cure" or help to feel better. It's discouraging. It makes me feel like I'm crazy. How can I feel so horrible and be in perfect health on tests?

The only tests that have been abnormal were liver enzymes, Lyme western blot (CDC positive), CD57's, and parvo B19. That being said, I never actually saw my test results in person when I had tons of them done with the first "regular" doctor I went to. He just handed me a checklist and checked off normal or abnormal so I don't have much faith in those results. My thyroid was checked as part of that original panel about 2 years ago. I have no idea which test that doctor used, but I would assume it was whatever would be the most likely to allow him to easily dismiss my concerns (likely a TSH).

Yes, I do have many of the symptoms of both hyper and hypothyroid. However, those symptoms carry over to Lyme as well. No, I don't get my period regularly (however I lost a ton of weight and am now underweight via BMI which I'm sure isn't helping that issue). I never got my period regularly anyway. It actually became closer to regular after I started taking antibiotics last year than it ever has been.

So knowing that I'm completely anti-medication unless the medication is directly treating the cause of the problem (which in my opinion is Lyme and co-infections) I was asked if I would be open to treating abnormalities in thyroid, hormones or adrenals. One of the potential treatments would be bioidentical hormones.

My answer to that.........I have no idea. I don't know the financial costs involved or the health risks. I don't know if that's a long-term thing that needs to be taken for life or if it will repair damage and I can go off it. I'm also very angry that I can't just treat Lyme and get rid of the damage that happened. I don't want to have lifelong medical problems. I wanted this to be cured and over with. I have a lot of research to do..........

Sunday, April 7, 2013

I'm too tired

I am not doing well this weekend. I'm incredibly depressed and stressed out. My car is breaking down. I have absolutely no way to afford to fix it and obviously no way to replace it either. I'm in severe financial trouble and I feel so sick all the time. I'm on my own. I don't have anywhere to turn.

Today my limbs were so weak and numb. I feel like they aren't even mine. I've been crying all day. I've been spacey and out of it. Very quiet, very tired. I'm just...........done. I don't  know what I can do anymore. I can't always figure something out. I feel like such a failure. Like my entire life I worked really hard academically so that I could be successful and now not only am I unsuccessful, but I'm losing everything that was ever important to me. I know this attitude is not me tonight. I just don't know what I'm going to do.............