Friday, May 17, 2013
Don't ask me to interpret these. I had a very had time focusing at the appointment for some reason. Normally I understand things (including medical data) very well but this week I'm completely exhausted. All I heard was that it was up to me to decide if I wanted to do a trial of Armour. I decided to try it. At this point I'd pretty much try anything.
One thing I don't understand about the range is that all sites say that for people on thyroid medication the goal TSH is around 1.0. Yet a "normal" range for those off of meds is up to 5.5? That doesn't make any sense. If optimal is 1.0 why are people with a 5.5, 3.0, 2.0, etc. considered "normal?"
In some ways I'm really happy that my thyroid was not completely normal. Part of me hopes that some of my symptoms will go away easily with treatment for hypothyroid. I've gotten to the point where I wish I had another disease other than Lyme to explain my symptoms. Treating Lyme is so frustrating because of all the uncertainties and the length of time it's taking to see improvement. I wish I didn't have to take anything at all anymore. I just want to feel normal again. I'm afraid that if I start Armour I'll be on it for life. That upsets me the most.
I'm completely disgusted and mortified at the thought of consuming a dried pig thyroid. I have OCD that I've written about in the past. It's self-diagnosed because I don't discuss it with anyone and it's germ related so this is going to set it off. I mentioned this at the appointment, but I think that the doctor thought I was kidding. They have no idea how severe my OCD can get.
I'm just coming off of a VERY bad time last week where my mind was racing and I was in a total breakdown state of anxiety. I couldn't eat or sleep all week. I had gone off B12 because I'm sick of having to rely on things to feel normal. That was a mistake because my anxiety/OCD quickly became completely out of control to the point that it scared me.
This week I've been back to my "normal" level which isn't very good. I'm having a ton of heart palpitations though which are kind of scary. They aren't provoked by anxiety or activity. I don't know what to make of them but nobody else seems concerned by it so I guess I'll just ignore it.
I was asked by my LLMD what my timeline is and when I will take a break. My timeline is simple: I don't have an alternative so I will keep trying something until I improve. To me it doesn't matter how long it takes. I cannot live my entire life feeling like this so I'm not going to settle.
Tomorrow morning between 3-4 a.m. I will take the first dose of Armour. I hope it goes okay. I'm a little worried that I will lose even more weight while taking it. I'm already underweight. The doctor said I might get more heart palpitations but they aren't dangerous. I'm a little scared about it. To me they feel dangerous and abnormal.